I am a patient with a diagnosis of schizophrenia. I’ve been living with this illness for most of my life, ever since I was a young child. I have endured numerous episodes of extreme psychosis, as well as everyday reminders of this debilitating disorder. The medication has helped, but the emotional and psychological toll of living with schizophrenia is immense.
I’ve been through more than my fair share of struggles. For example, I have had to deal with the fact that people often judge and discriminate against me because of my illness, as if I chose this for myself. I’ve also had to struggle with a lack of understanding from many who don’t know what it’s like to live with this condition. This can be incredibly hard to bear.
However, the worst part of living with schizophrenia is the deep and persistent trauma that it causes. I can never escape the memories of the most distressing events in my life – being overwhelmed by my symptoms and feeling out of control. I often find myself re-experiencing these traumas, even when I am in a safe environment, as if they are happening again.
The pain of living with schizophrenia has been particularly difficult since the loss of my mother. She was my biggest supporter and I feel her absence keenly. Without her, I am truly on my own in this battle. There are too few people to turn to for help and understanding. Without her love and compassion, I am often left feeling overwhelmingly alone.
At times, I feel completely overwhelmed by the weight of my illness. I don’t know how much longer I can keep going on like this. I feel so much pain and sorrow, and I fear that it will never end. I desperately wish that I could get better, but I don’t know if I ever will. It’s a long, hard journey, and I don’t know if I have the strength to carry on.
Schizophrenia Blues is the story of my life. It is a story of trauma, loss, and mental illness. Despite the pain, I will persist and keep fighting. But it is also a story of hope, that one day I will find peace and acceptance.